It's a landmark day as America swears in its first black president, but much to my surprise, the economy is still in the toilet, the war on terror and drugs are still yielding no results, and I still want a fucking cigarette despite promises that Obama would make my cravings go away. I'm still working my dead-end job at a company that WOULD give a fuck about me if it didn't cost them so much goddamned money to do so. My love life is still hovering somewhere in that mythical place between the shitter and the drain (at least in terms of distance and frustration). And my physical health is even worse than it was when the doctors told me "at least it can't get any worse." I thought this guy was supposed to fix shit!?!? What gives?Well it turns out Barack Obama is NOT the mythical creature sent from the heavens to heal the sick and turn water into wine that produces no hangover. Don't get me wrong, I still think he's a good man and I sincerely hope that he will do as much good for this country (and planet) that everyone thinks he will. But he's not magic. Not even a little. So for the love of God, Allah, Moses, Buddha, or that spot of gum on the pavement that vaguely resembles John Cougar Melloncamp, please stop acting as if he has magical powers. Stop pretending that we no longer have to worry, because we do. We always have to worry. The day we stop worrying is the day we lose the country to those damn soulless Canadians! (I know about their secret plans to take over once we get all soft and doughy. We're halfway there people!)
So Never Give Up! Never Get Soft! And Never Forget the Canadians are watching with their beady little eyes! Waiting for the right moment, when they can finally invade, and beat us all to death with hockey sticks and over-sized jars of maple syrup.
Love,
G
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